Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
