everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
