My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
