Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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