for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
