I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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