I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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