how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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