I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
