Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
