I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
