Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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