you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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