It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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