Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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