sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
