Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
