I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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