the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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