She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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