stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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