She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
