tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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