i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
