i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
