I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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