Betty ford says i'm here all night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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