Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
