I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
