well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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