forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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