based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
