You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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