Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
