i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
