mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
