areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
