I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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