I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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