just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
