Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
