when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
