I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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