when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
