I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
