i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
