Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
