have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
