I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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