This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
