I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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