So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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