I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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