Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
