You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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