found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize